My life is starting to crumble~

Thought tat my last NS pay would still be $430, but i was wrong. i just went down to pay my starhub bills n withdraw $30, checked my account... only left $173 till i ORD on x'mas eve... how am i gonna live my life after i ORD sia... if i cant get a job by tat time, then i really gotta find a job at NTUC or any fastfood restaurant 1st... tis is giving me such a headache... all these years... $$ had been giving me headaches... CB terrorists, if 911 didnt happen then my dad's business should still be successful... but now we r still struggling our lifes after declaring bankruptcy a abt 2 years back...

Now i really gotta cut down my weekly/monthly expenses... i had limited myself to abt $30 per week before i saw the pay just now... so i changed it all... limiting to just $15 per week n abt $60 per month... so now everyday i would still be feeding on bread n ham, as part of my diet... but instead of 4 slices of bread per day, now i'm just gonna take 2 slice of bread n a slice of ham, half of it in morning n the other half in the evening... just hope i wont faint :P but will still be buying apples n fish, cause just having bread would make my diet unhealthy... would still be going swimming though... at most if really cannot afford it anymore then would just stick to jogging... so all these tingys r spent at abt $15 per week... any more than tat would cause unwanted headaches again...

I've withdrawn $30 just now... cause i wanted to reward myself for awhile... i ordered KFC for my saturday meal, lunch+dinner on tat KFC i ordered... i've lost abt 9-10kgs since my diet... really gotta reward abit... but after tat really gonna go into my survival test liaoz... hai~ did i do sometingy tat bad to deserve all these? why is everytingy in my life going down n further down... wanna climb up oso hard... when every step i take there is bound to be a banana skin on the floor for me to step onto n fall further down... hai~ how can i NOT be pessismistic?