Life~ end it, n start afresh?

read an article on the newpaper this week... telling ppl that life is over, just live.

it talked abt work... the misconception of work is that it is a necessity... n some ppl r feeling miserable at what they're doing... yet they say 'they're making a living', but they're not... i find it quite true...

i should be waking up every morning having the urge to go to work... to do something i like n enjoy doing... i didn't had that feeling when i was in my 1st job, i had to drag my feet to work everyday... now i'm in my 2nd job for almost 3months, probation ending soon too... although it's kind of a dull n routine job, at least i'm not dragging myself to work every morning... n i enjoy the company of my colleagues in there :P

the down side to this, if i don't get converted to perm staff after my probation, i had to start my job search again... cus i don't wanna waste an entire year in there as a temp staff, not enjoying the full benefits... i really should find something i like n enjoy doing as my job...

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next it talked abt falling in love... it mentioned that modern society is anti-love, that it is easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise... it is sooo spot-on true, cus the only reason i gave myself if i wanna try to love someone... was that i'm not good enough for her... i could come out with soo much more reasons why i shouldn't love someone... yet, i'm at a lost of words when i try to say why i love that particular person...

also, we shouldn't love if we want to be loved in return... as its value is to inspire us to better ourselves in every way... and that we either love, or we don't love that person at all... there's no half in love...

so my concept of longing to be loved is wrong?? hmm... how sad, so i guess at my current state... i couldn't bring myself to love someone, yet i'm wrong to wanting to be loved...

perhaps my 'life' isn't over yet...

一个人的心酸 aka A Loner's Sorrow

had a dream last nite... it was sooo~~ sweet n simple, yet somehow i felt it was abit unrealistic due to the fact that i dont think it would ever happen in my real life... i just felt like crying when i woke up this morning, how i wish i would stay in tat dream 4ever...

it's kinda pathetic actually... that such things could only happen to me in the form of a dream n fantasy... i've kinda given up hope for such things to ever happen in reality... after those things that happened last time... it might seem like small issues to others, but it's a rather huge blow for me to face with...

the dream was really short... but that particular moment kept replaying itself in my head, over n over for the entire day... i just simply cant get it out of my mind, hmm... or maybe i just wanna keep this in my memory... cus that simple action in the dream is the closest thing i would ever encounter, as compared to my real life...

actually i never thought that i would dream abt her, cus of the different personalities... well, it's just a dream rite? hehehe... probably due to the fact that for the past 2 nites, she's the last person i talked to on msn before sleeping...

this is how it goes... we're walking in the mall, side by side... arms swinging, to n fro... then next thing i knew, i caught hold of her hand... there was no resistance, only acceptance... i looked over my shoulders, she glanced with a smile... i felt loved, appreciated... just a simple gesture n acceptance...

all these, i could never dare hope that it would be real... i could only hope to have the same dream every nite...

this is so heart aching... i'm so tired...
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(for the benefit of doubt: the gal in my dream was neither Gal A nor B...)

61 chances

celebrated my mummy's 61st bday on NDP last sat... went to kallang leisure park for dinner @ Thai Village Shark Fin Rest... oh the shark fin looks nice man, n expensive too... $90 for a medium bowl... only had a taste of the soup though... cus we only ordered for mummy n pa to eat lol... if we were to order for the 6 of us... the bill would've rocket to abt $700 lol

though its a sin to eat shark fin... cus of the way it's brought to our dining table... so we should stop eating shark fin n the killings would stop... but cus my mummy already 61, we thought sacrificing 1 shark was kinda alrite :P

anywayz... i wanted to buy mummy the $1 scratch&win ticket on sat... but the cashier @ the singaporepools told me they only allow purchase of the tix after 6pm... cus the priority is given to ppl who r buying 4D... guess they dont 1 ppl to queue up just to buy the tix n waste other ppl's time who wanted to buy 4D...

so... just now i went down to get 61 $1 scratch&win tix for mummy as a token for her 61st bday :P hope she can get lucky n win some $$... told myself if out of the 61 tix, we nv get back at least $10... then we must be damn suay~ lol

kinda did an endurance test on my right ankle this afternoon... went for a movie at TM, watched the Mummy... hmm not a beri nice 1 though, too unreal...

anywayz... at times i was able to walk with ease, but there would always be tat sudden tension if i prolong my walking... the worst part is, whenever i'm sitting down/resting, of cus i dont feel pain... but once i get up, n just by standing straight, i could immediately feel the vains n the muscles around my ankle pulling apart...

as if the blood flow to my ankle was disrupted everytime i rest... when i tried to move off, it's like trying to overcome the blood clog at my ankle... somehow the swelling has yet to subside... would it ever go away by itself?... would i be limping the rest of my life? hope not :P

hai~ wat a great time to be injured... just hope it wont affect my probation...