Is the life of quek rongsheng so god damn miserable?

woke up late 2day... was supposed to wake up at 8am, which i did, but i continued to sleep... end up waking up at 9.15am... n was late for ndp rehearsal... cus must report at 11am... the trip to ang mo kio by bus then from there to nee soon camp would take abt 1 1/2 hrs... so was definitely late haha... but reach there they bearly started carrying the jerry cans... me n junchao even haf time 2 take our lunch there before starting work...

during the rehearsal, i started thinking again... abt relationships n such... thgt abt trying it again... with the one i love a decade ago... but might be harder... cus i'm currently extremely short on $$... cant do much if i wanna woo her... i thgt abt quite alot... felt like crying even... but didnt... didnt want anyone to see me like tat... somemore i'm in nee soon camp... so i wrote my feelings down...

"Love is something I long for.
Fate is something I don't have.
Reality is something that hurts."

ohh yah... n i saw latiff in the color party contingent in the ndp rehearsal... man i didnt know he signed on as guards... so many of our sec sch mates signed on... got police... got army... got frenz from poly signed on air force oso... haha so many ppl signed on...

anyway... the entire rehearsal ended at abt 7pm... n we packed/cleaned up the place till 7.30pm... then we were asked 2 stay back cus the management gotta walk through all the areas 2 ensure there wasn't any rubbish left behind... n they found some... so some of the ppl we scolded... but not us... then end up we left at abt 8.30pm

then after tat me n junchao went 2 vincent's bday dinner... actually me didnt wanna go... cus me no $$ to pay 4 the taxi fare there n no $$ 4 the dinner n his ang-pao present... but junchao said he help me pay 1st... just 1 me 2 join in for the gathering... i didnt wanna miss it too... but i just cant use his $ cus i still owe him the previous taxi fare... but still i went... not 2 disappoint him n vincent... i swear i will pay u back... as soon as i get my ns allowance...

we went to an Italian restaurant along east coast rd... the food there not bad... service quite gd oso... haha but the bill was kinda slow :P then after tat we went straight home... me, jianguang, junchao n vincent shared a taxi back... they drop me off at my place 1st then go back 2 tampines... hai~ too bad i not living in tampines any more

me reached home abt 10.30pm then quickly bath cus too tired n sticky liaoz... then online 2 write tis... n was chatting on msn while writing tis too :P can't believe i did 'it'... i sort of ask 'her' if she wanna watch movie wif me.... AAHHH! can't believe i did tat :P hehe but then was kinda rejected cus she watched the movie already... wif QQ~! hahahaha... so envy u loh... :P haha nvm... still got chance to watch wif her n the gang... mr n mrs smith... hahaha althgh was kinda rejected... but still felt alrite... cus no harm asking :P besides... already cried alot last time... hehe :P

hai~ gotta go zzz liaoz... write tis blog from 11plus till 1am haha... :P

there goes my holiday(rest day)

went 2 paya lebar to haf breakfast wif ming, rudy, wanyi, qq n yj... :P we had McDonalds' breakfast... long time nv had it already... its like since sec sch hehe... but we almost missed the breakfast timing... cus we all came late... i thgt i would be the latest cus i left home at 10am... end up i reach there 1035am n non of them came yet :P haha

after tat we went to tampines for movie... cus wanyi got some free ticket vouchers... we watched The Amityville Horror... its a thriller n suspence movie... quite nice... but just abit too frigthening :P n the ending abit... while it doesn't really haf an ending... the family just left the place without doing anytingy 2 it... like destroy it or put it under control... then after the movie we went to star bucks for a drink n tok :P but only 4 a while... cus wanyi gotta go meet alan in bugis so we all left n went home :P

hehe then on my way home i bum into saufie... long time nv see him liaoz... told me he is in the police force... n all this time i thgt he was in civil defence :P when i came home i didnt rest or take a bite/drink... i just took out my old scanner n printer n wireless router n went out again... walked down to bedok interchange's cash converter... thgt of exchanging these items for cash... cus now i am really broke... gotta even tink twice before buying any food/snacks home... dont even haf enough to cut hair... keeping tat $10 in my bank for my transport for next week... until 10 of june then i could get my pay... so i tink i gotta borrow $$ from my parents for next week's taxi fares to work... hai~ worst tingy is those tingys i brought down to cash converter... the guy there dont 1 2 accept any of them... well he could take the router but only for $10... but i could sell it even higher on the market... so end up i brought home everytingy again :( the guy said my printer no ink cartridge to test so he cant accept... n the scanner no installation program... oso dont accept... hai~ sian man...

y am i facing all these money problems now? really cant wait till my new pay day... cus me going to be promoted corporal... n will be getting $440 per month according to our sqn's clerk justin... just hope tis increment would help me wif my financial problem... :(

i'm too mentally n emotionally tired to blog........................ :'(

"wake up call"

watching JJ's "突然累了" MTV... n it instantly 'hit' me...

for all these yrs i've long for a relationship... kept tinking over n over abt it... i wanted so much to hug someone... to be able to feel love... wanted to know wat its like to be loved... it would be beri wonderful rite? but then... i realised tat even though i wanted a relationship so much... for all these yrs i wasn't able to open up... wasn't able to let anyone come into my life... it's not tat someone love me but i didn't love in return... but just tat i can't make myself to really love the gal i love... contradicting? blur? i'm toking nonsense? i'm not sure either... maybe i'm afraid... just afraid to let the gal i love come into my life... last time is still ok... but now everytingys changed... ppl change... wat u had, u might no longer haf it now... like money etc...

i just want everytingy in my life to be gd... b4 i let the gal i love come into my life... but wat i haf rite now... i'm not fit to let anyone come into my life yet... :( don't want the gal i love to suffer...

sunday johor trip...

wake up at 11am tis morning... lucky still can wake up sia if not cant go JB liaoz :P hehe... met up wif weixiang at the busstop just below his blk... then we went down 2 bedok interchange to change for m'sia currency... but end up all the money changers we went to were closed 2day... so no choice loh... we go meet cher n james at simei n took their bikes to JB... then change money in JB :P

hehe the more i take rides on my frenz bikes... the more i want 2 learn to ride one... :P cus the feeling of wind blowing into my face is so nice haha :P anyway... the 4 of us entered m'sia n waited for shawn just after the causeway... then after tat we went to holiday plaza... go there to exchange m'sia money n met up wif yip, richard n bruce... they were already there for abt 1/2 hr... then we go shopping... n i went for my games/movies shopping spree haha :P

after tat we went down to eden for SPA haha :P it was the 1st time i've been to m'sia n 1st time going to a SPA :P kinda relaxing loh the SPA... the hot pool was so freaking hot n the cold one was icy cold... haha me just like a 'mountain turtle' nv been to SPA before :P

after it was already 7pm... so we went for our dinner at a seafood restaurant just near eden... the food not bad... quite nice n cheap :P then the journey back to singapore was like hell... the traffic was so jam loh... lucky we took bikes to JB if by car we all sure cry ar... :P

then i reached home almost 10pm liaoz... lucky 2molo working afternoon shift... so can wake up late n rest abit more :P 2days trip was beri worth it... had a feel of wat it's like in m'sia... the places/people n their tingys... quite cheap compared to singapore haha of cus rite... :P hehe wonder when i could go back m'sia again :P cus i wanted to buy the basketball from there... quite cheap loh... but too bad i taking james's bike... no space to put the ball :P so didnt buy... maybe next time if go in by car or bus then i go buy :P hahaha

saturday burnt...

went 2 Nee Soon Camp for NDP rehearsal again... took bus 17 to tampines 201 there to wait for junchao... then we took a taxi from there to nee soon camp... reached there abt 10.30am... 2day's weather looked not bad... like going 2 rain... but it didnt... just haf alot of clouds... but some moments the sun quite hot oso... then kinda dont like those police contingent... cus keep asking 4 food n drinks not cold then dont 1 2 drink liaoz... so fussy sia... then at the end of the rehearsal which was abt 4.30pm... our mdm gave us a briefing... then it ended at 5pm... n then went out 2 take taxi back home wif junchao... n again we waited n waited n cant get a taxi... but tis time quite surprising... we didnt hail for a taxi... it came 2 us... n best was tat it was a london cab woo hahaha :P wat luck...

but was late 4 dinner wif rudy they all... (wif qq... wanyi... daryl... n ming)... was suppose to meet them 6.30pm at paris ris interchange... but i got into tat cab at 5.45pm loh... so by the time i got to fisherman's village they were already eating... hehe cus i asked them not 2 wait for me :P i reached late loh... so only ate abit... plus the food oso kinda spicy :P

but me not the latest... yj came after we finished eating... so we asked her not 2 get off the bus n we went up instead... next we went to siglap for a drink n tok cock session :P but me mainly listening... :P partly was becus me kinda tired already... oso was i cant tink of anytingy 2 tok abt :P so just listen... n oso i noticed abt sometingy... it's been bugging me since sec sch... y cant i tok freely when gals r arnd me?... maybe gotta go see 'xin li yi shen' liaoz... dont know wats wrong wif me... shy? cant be bah? the same tingy happens when i am arnd the gal i like... even worst... dont even dare 2 tok or look at her... hai~ dont tink i had tis problem wif gals in primary sch leh...

but i enjoyed 2nite's gathering... becus of wat i cant say :P hahaha it's me secret :)

then we went home at arnd midnite... should haf left earlier.. but it rained so we stayed awhile longer... the gals took a cab home n us guys shared a cab... i dropped off a blk from my home... n walked back... i wanted to feel the rain falling on my face... it feels so cooling... but kinda scare of the lightnings... :P but oso sometimes i just wanna get strucked by it :P so contradicting rite? hahaha...

took half day off 2day... cus its so god damn boring staying in office... thgt i could continue wif my OJT... but then end up they dont haf any servicings 2day... sian man... everytime when i'm arnd there isnt much 4 me 2 do... but when i not arnd they go do all those important servicings... y am i so unlucky?

then tis morning rained again... it feels so nice sia... love it when it rains... then took my lunch at cookhouse b4 going home... got shawn to bring me n colin out of the base cus it's a long way out... went to check on my bank account on my way back... finally my pay was in... so i immediately went to pay my overdued bills hehe... cus really no $$ to pay for them untill 2day... felt so much relief to haf some $$ in my bank...

appearance does matters... at least i tink it does~

2day beri the tired sia... morning go take IPPT then in the evening go for sqn run again... kaoz 2day ran 6.4km loh... :P now leg really aching...

after we come back for the run... i went 2 the toilet... then i noticed how fat my arms n chest are... n i looked at my face n had a gd look at myself... i dont really like wat i was seeing... well partly becus i was wearing a sleeveless running vest... my arms are really fat loh when i looked into the mirror... then i thgt to myself...

"In order for someone to love you, you must 1st learn to love urself"

but i find it kinda difficult to love myelf... especially my fat body... so how can i possibly want someone to love me? ok one tingy to do is to lose weight (n i will!!)... but wat happened to the 'shouldnt just go for looks, should oso look at the person's character n other gd/bad points tat the person haf' ?

hai~ i tink humans always behave like this loh? say one tingy but meant another :P

waT iS LoVe? - my kind of gal...

nowadays i lazy to blog liaoz... cus not much tingys happening in my daily life, everyday almost the same... else i too tired to write :P so i decided only to write when i feel like i haf sometingy to voice out :P

2day went for NDP Rehersal again at Nee Soon Camp in the morning... took taxi at 6am to tampines to fetch junchao then we went down there together... thgt we might be kinda late... but then reached there still got time to spare n take our breakfast :P

then while watching the police GOH doing their drills... i kinda spoted a few gals... well, one actually :P she looks kinda cute... kinda like the table tennis player Li Jiawei hehe... from then on i started to tink... i thgt abt wat do ppl look for in their future partners... well... wat do gals really look for or want in a guy? His looks? money? career? a sense of humour? his character? personality? or everyone of these?

which is more important? or which of the criteria can we not have?

i really dont know wat gals REALLY look for in guys... in their love life... in the future...

i dont know wat other guys tink... but wat i look for in a gal... lets be honest... looks sometimes does matters... but she dont have to be some kind of beauty... i like gals tat r cute... plump cus would be beri nice to hug... i tink :P n if possible shoulder length hair... dont ask me y lah... cus they look more cute in short hair :P i tink tats all for looks bah? one important tingy abt the gal i'm looking for... she must really love me for wat i am... cus now i'm fat n pessimistic n poor... i can n will change... but it takes time... i am those really quiet type... dont know how to express my love well... tend to scare away those i love... hehe so really hope someone who love me would approach me :P but tat would be like asking too much hor? :P

anyway... she must have a gd heart... well any gals who would love me must sure have a gd heart... else they wont love me rite? :P hahaha n i tink tats all bah? cant really tink of anymore... :P

hai~ i dont know y oso loh... but y is it tat everytime when i have a feeling for a gal... it's either she dont have the same feelings for me... or she already have a bf? or even a husband?... know y i say tat anot... cus tat gal in police GOH have a bf i tink... cus i saw a guy buying drink for her... only for her (but maybe they r just best friends i dont know)... hahaha so suay meh? like it happened quite alot of times liaoz loh... in sec sch... in poly... in airforce... hai~ i really no luck in love life :P so how can i possibly approach a gal if she already is attached? hai~ :P

btw i already trying beri hard to tink positive liaoz... but the surroundings r making me tink otherwise loh hahaha :P