"wake up call"

watching JJ's "突然累了" MTV... n it instantly 'hit' me...

for all these yrs i've long for a relationship... kept tinking over n over abt it... i wanted so much to hug someone... to be able to feel love... wanted to know wat its like to be loved... it would be beri wonderful rite? but then... i realised tat even though i wanted a relationship so much... for all these yrs i wasn't able to open up... wasn't able to let anyone come into my life... it's not tat someone love me but i didn't love in return... but just tat i can't make myself to really love the gal i love... contradicting? blur? i'm toking nonsense? i'm not sure either... maybe i'm afraid... just afraid to let the gal i love come into my life... last time is still ok... but now everytingys changed... ppl change... wat u had, u might no longer haf it now... like money etc...

i just want everytingy in my life to be gd... b4 i let the gal i love come into my life... but wat i haf rite now... i'm not fit to let anyone come into my life yet... :( don't want the gal i love to suffer...